Shedding Negativity
In case you didn’t know, there are people that don’t like your opinions on social media and the internet, and they like to write you and tell you that you are wrong, your opinion sucks, or give you information around why your opinion is false. A friend of mine asked, “Does that really happen?” I told her the first time I got a comment from a stranger that felt mean, I felt panicked and I deleted it super quickly. As I reframed it in my brain, I saw it as a rite of passage in gaining an audience. Not everyone is going to agree with me, and that is OK! I don’t have to be offended by someone else’s negativity.
In Think Like a Monk, Jay Shetty encourages us to become objective observers. He said that when someone is nasty, step back, away from the emotional charge. We can choose to refuse to be upset. “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”
My husband, Andy, and I frequently tell our children when they are feeling hurt the old AA adage, “Hurt people hurt people.” When I change my perspective to the mindset that someone must have been really mean to this person for them to want to be mean to me, especially a stranger, it softens the situation and my emotional response. I begin to feel empathy rather than hurt.
The words we say and the stories we repeat in our mind also have a huge impact on living with a positive or negative mindset. Becoming self-aware of the thoughts that are repeating in our minds is a helpful tool in beginning to make a shift toward a more positive mindset. Shetty suggests keeping a tally of the negative comments we make each day. The goal? ZERO. Oy.
I asked Andy if he would help me bring awareness to my negative comments by pointing them out when I make them. We decided to choose a super neutral word (we chose “mjolnir” which means “Thor’s hammer,” our son was really into Thor once upon a time! ) for him to say out loud as he hears my complaint. I love this little game because the neutral word brings awareness, kind of makes me giggle, but doesn’t make me feel judged for making the negative comment, he’s simply doing what I asked by helping me to awaken my awareness. And no, I don’t think I’ve had a day with ZERO, but thanks for asking!
Shetty says, “Saying whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.” Wow. Reading this quote makes me want to sit quietly and just LISTEN. As I practice noticing negativity, getting curious about where it comes from, I release my need to insert my own opinion or defend myself. Freedom to say nothing is true empowerment.
Spotlighting negativity is also an opportunity to audit the people you surround yourself with. Are the people you spend the most time with inherently positive? Are they happy people? Is there a way you can decrease your time with people who seem to be mostly negative? What if you become more of a listener rather than “piling on” when the negative comments begin to emerge? Who do you know that’s always positive and happy, and can you find ways to spend more time with them?
Here are seven more ways to bring more positivity into your life:
1. Reflect on hard situations and see if you can find the good to come from them.
2. Compliment other people.
3. Smile! That message your face muscles send to you brain when you smile relay the message, “I am happy right now.”
4. Avoid news, social media, and the internet. Spend time outside instead.
5. Volunteer. Doing something positive for others leads to you feeling better about yourself.
6. Read uplifting material and/or learn something that helps you grow.
7. Practice GRATITUDE. Keep a journal. Meditate on all the ways others have shown you love. Find things in your life that have blessed you. Keep your focus on the feelings that gratitude evokes. Gratitude is powerful medicine.
There will always be negativity in the world, but you don’t have to let it drag you down. Keep focused on the positive, let others’ negativity pass by without engaging, and focus more on being used to serve others with your gifts and talents to serve the highest good. More often than not, negativity will roll right off you like water off a duck’s back. Be the duck. Let it roll.
