Learning to Surrender
“Surrender is a journey from outer turmoil to inner peace.” Sri Chinmoy
I recently shared how I got myself into a funk. I’ve obsessed over our move, schools, building the house, my business, and whatever else I saw as “not how Dodi wants it.” The truth is, I had fear around what was happening around me, and I was trying to control it. ALL of it. I needed a nap, and something needed to change. I love to read and I get wildly inspired by various books that share tools to live better. I started my journey to surrender by learning from others who have surrendered.
The biggest fear that I was trying to control was around our home that’s under construction. I had firmly planted a flag in the “I deserve this house because I loved our old house and had to leave it” camp. Construction prices have skyrocketed, as has real estate in mountain towns, and we are currently more than $150k (maybe more) over our initial budget. What does this mean for the Minister, fitness instructor and family? There is a chance we may never get to live there.
I pouted, got resentful, stuffed my feelings, got angry, and worked like mad to increase my business income to change this circumstance. None of that worked. It felt awful. I had to change. I needed to relax, so I had to learn to SURRENDER.
Learning to surrender to this desire has been a challenging process. I can finally say with utter honesty in my heart and my head: I am OK if we do or do not live in that house. And sweet 6-pound 8-ounce baby Jesus, life is so much easier now! I feel FREE. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I TRUST in whatever the outcome is!
Here are the steps that helped me on my journey to surrender:
1. Affirmations
I do affirmations first thing in the morning after meditating. I find that actually feeling what I’m reading is impactful. The affirmations help me feel grounded and empowered. They remind me good things are coming my way, and I can trust that life is supporting me.
Here are some of mine, and you are welcome to these or free to write your own!
· I love who I am becoming
· I trust God and myself with my whole heart
· People support me all day
· I am energized and inspired
· I am open to opportunities and possibilities
· I have infinite creativity within me
· I am ready to serve with my whole heart
· I have fun and will bring joy to others today
· I trust I am divinely guided
2. Choosing LOVE over fear
Fear is what got me into trouble in the first place! I wasn’t having visions of our family homeless on the streets, but I think I had fear around us being in a home we didn’t love or being forced into a space that doesn’t really fit our needs. The truth is we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and we will be together no matter what house we live in. And that is enough. I choose to love us and where we live.
3. Trusting it is all going to be OK
Trust has been a hard lesson to get through my substantial skull. In all my life, I have never been homeless. All signs point to our family having shelter. Feeling that truth is like lying my head on a huge, puffy pillow. It feels good, comfortable. Choosing to trust feels amazing. I feel lighter when I am trusting.
4. Calling on my spirit guides and angels for help and support
My Dad passed eight years ago, but I sometimes still go to him for advice. I know my sweet, loving grandmother, who passed when I was 26, is always looking out for me. I also look to my own “Inner Mentor” or “Higher Self” for answers. Accessing this circle of support allows me to dive deeper into trust and to choose love. Gabby Bernstein teaches, “Surrender your fear to allow the voice of your Higher Self to guide you toward the highest good.”
5. Getting outside more
Nature is cathartic. Healing. It can improve your mood, reduce stress, improve self-esteem, improve sleep quality, focus, immunity, creativity, weight… Is there anything outside time won’t heal? Oh, it can help you learn to surrender, if you are open to it. It has made me feel better and more myself in a way that’s inexplicable.
6. Practice gratitude
Living in a community where the majority of the people around you have multiple homes, it was too easy for me to look around, compare, and say, “All these people around me have so much! I just want ONE house! It’s not fair!” The truth is, we have a place to live, I have plenty of food, friends, work, two cars, health, and so much more. I noticed that if I focused and felt grateful for the abundance in my life, it’s easier to let go.
7. Mindfulness and living in the present
Living in the present moment is key to surrender. When I live in the past, it can evoke sadness. If I focus on the future, it can produce fearful thoughts. Living fully in the present moment is grounding. It makes food taste sweeter. It makes hugs feel warmer. It makes conversations more meaningful. And living in the present allows the deep trust that enables surrender.
8. Prayer
Prayer is the medium to open up to miracles. Bernstein says, “Guidance through prayer presents as a knowing, inner voice from your higher self.” We have the answers in us, we sometimes doubt ourselves or go outside for answers. She offers this prayer as an example: “I surrender my fear and allow the voice within to guide me toward the highest good.”
Finally, at some point you just have to choose to let it go. You may want to visualize letting go. You may want to say it out loud. But you have to choose that you are releasing it and mean it with your whole heart, and trust God’s got you.
I hope these tips can help you to surrender whatever you have been clinging to but you want to hold loosely. As fun bonus for reading to the end, watch this sweet video of Oprah explaining how she learned to surrender her deepest desire.
